a u t u m n

Lily Cole for fresh2o

love.love.love.love them
reminds me of bloc party, which Was my favorite band til they put out their U.S. album version of Silent Alarm..which was the same as their UK release I just didnt like the buzz they were getting over here. Changing their Tulips video to Helicopter or whatever the animated one was.

indulging on:
1. Mechanical Bride "umbrella" (there's been so many remixes to this song, this is the latest I've discovered)
2. Foals "olympic Airways" (love the video, so fresh)
3. Jake One ft. Freeway and Brother Ali "The Truth" (alchemist-like)
4. Eva Mendes
5. Lykke Li's "little Bit" video

Marc and I watched this documentary last night called All of Us. It's about how the numbers for HIV infected for black women in the US is 68% or something like that. But it's a crazy number among black women. They basically attributed it to poverty. Because black men have the highest unemployment and incarceration rate that this makes them more controlling in their lives, especially sexual lives.
They had two women they talked to who were HIV positive. One had a child with her fiance who's not HIV positive. How is that possible? I have to do some research on that.
The other woman's story was so sad. She had lost her virginity at age 5 from her father. She said she was a prostitute till she was 25. I think she said she was being pimped out by her dad, but it might have been mom. I'm not sure, either way she has HIV and is in the early stages of cervical cancer. She had extensive vaginal surgery, and she said she couldn't even recognize her vagina because it was so torn up.
What's so sad about her situation is that her boyfriend was pressuring her to have sex. She was afraid of penetration because of how much they did to her. You would think that he would be understanding because of her situation. She even said he would not be around if she didn't give him any.
That's the perfect example of what the doctors on there were saying that the man has the power and control of whether or not a woman has sex and whether there is a condom involved. They want to please their man and if they don't do what he wants then he'll leave. WELL to hell with him for giving an ultimatum. No man should do that. But unfortunately it happens to the best of us even the doctor that was doing the research admitted to having unprotected sex come to find out he was having unprotected sex with other women.
We want to believe we are the only one's, but a lot of the times we aren't. Stay safe, protect yourself

I vow never to take advantage of living in a house or when my son, Kalel, starts to walk.
I was in a rush to come home because in all honestly I had to go boo boo and tinkle. So, when holding it in I get all sweaty and I was already wearing a hoodie in the hot Florida sun so I was dying. Anyway, Kalel's passed out in the back seat.
I jump out of the car and grab my backpack from school, a bunch of banana's ggma Carmen gave me, plus his over-overflowing diaper bag and then Kalel who couldn't even hold himself up he was so tired, poor baby lol.
Luckily I live on the fisrt floor of my complex or else my arms would have fallen off. I do this every morning and every afternoon I come home and I should be used to it but when your sweating so bad because you gotta take a shit you can't think of anything else.
So I was praying I wouldnt drop anything. Managed to get the door open and throw everything but Kalel on the floor then dash to his room to lay him down in his crib and stripped down to my socks to sit here on my royal thrown and type this up.

revealing yes, idkgaf, honestly.
Since I gave birth and everyone in the damn hospital saw my hooha (including my mom! how embarrassing), I really could care less. I'd have nurses grabbing my tits to feed the baby, which will never happen again. But you're in such a daze you don't know what's right and wrong. But having nurses in the bathroom, a guy nurse as well, while I went pee would have been mortifying if I hadn't been drugged up from the bellybutton down and still feeling all the pain. But whatever. Great experiences.